The Fear Element in Star Wars and Alcoholism

The original Star Wars movie came out in May of 1977. I was 5 years old. Leia was AMAZING. I crushed on Hans Solo. Luke was just super and R2D2 was what I wanted for a robot friend. Little did I know that 37 years later I would be relating my Star Wars passions to my journey through recovery from alcoholism. It came upon me when I was doing the ‘fear inventory’ from the 12-step program of AA.  immediately related and we will go deep into outer space on this analysis.

One of my all time quotes of Star Wars, one that I have said many times and Star Wars geeks absolutely all know – is this one from our little green buddy Yoda; “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

When we alcoholics begin recovery and work a program of reflection whether it be 12-steps or other avenues to heal,  our recovery allows and also forces us to look at the reason we became obsessed with the feeling of numbness that our addiction required. One of the fundamental reasons we build up our resentments and “angers” are a result of fundamental FEARS. Those fears will lead us to alcohol. Just like Anakin Skywalker who lost his mother and developed “fear” within him, the dark side lured him away from those he loved, destroyed his relationships and concluded in him become a burnt out shell of himself (literally) and thereby masked as Darth Vader. Could is be any more clear to us that if we allow OUR FEAR to overtake ourselves without understanding where it comes from, we will drink. What happens when we drink? We lose friends, loved ones and ultimately bottom out somewhere that can be only resulting in death or the harm of others.

Looking at more of these fun quotes. “But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they.” “Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan’s apprentice.”

Yes, the dark side. A place we are too familiar with. We sit in dark places. We drink until we are forced to stop by blackout or pass-out. We awake into the dreaded hangover, we feel ill at ease and cannot break free from the power of our own fear induced cycle of darkness. We blame others for our addictions. To relate this to the theme of Star Wars, we don’t see our higher power anymore or “the force.” It is no longer with us, guiding us or giving us that eyes open bewilderment of life. It is all just dread and booze, danger and contempt. When we try to control our dis-ease, it doesn’t work; just like when Anakin tries to not go to the dark side but is so blinded by his hate and anger and fear he succumbs to the Dark Side. We do this with alcohol. We only feel normal when hiding behind the darkness of our dis-ease. When we are able to look directly at our fears we become “one” with our force and/or higher power.

“The Force is neither light nor dark, master nor slave, but a balance between extremes.”

I am not alone in this feeling that the higher power of the force and our belief in something greater and for the greater good of ourselves can be relatable. I mean, why not?So, wasn’t I surprised when I heard someone else relate their experience watching Star Wars in the movie theater some 37 years ago and relating to “using the force” and letting go as part of their way of relating to God and a Higher Power.

To end with some of those famous quotes from the best movie scene in history EVER of Star Wars (spoiler alert); it comes when Luke demolishes the death star  and Obi-Wan is speaking to him from his soul…”Use the Force, Luke., Let go, Luke. Luke, Trust Me., Remember, the Force will be with you…Always.

 

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The Normal Conundrum

When I was a budding teenager as we all were at one time, I had an edge to me and also naivety. I thought I knew it all and looking back, in hindsight I might have – at least when it came to sense of self. I use to argue with people about normalcy. This projected idea that I had to be “normal.” This continuous theme permeated my home from my mother and followed me throughout my day. The “normal” category goes deep into the school caste system that has existed throughout the ages in various forms. It will never likely go away, but in my youth we had – jocks, music geeks, metal heads, dead heads/hippies, popular girls, the smart kids (honor kids), burn-outs, etc… I was kind of a mix. I was a music geek, in the popular/smart kid crowd but from an outward appearance I was trendy and had an attitude. I was also insecure, sad and anxious. I remember saying to people “what is normal? When confronted with that dreaded question ‘can’t you just be normal?’ as our parents sometimes like to say, I’d bristle. ‘Define normal’ I would say. I can even SEE myself now full of resentment and irritability with an ounce of hurt.

That little voice inside of me also saying – ‘maybe I am not normal.’ Put this thought on top of anxiety, trauma and insecurity and you have the beginnings of an addict in the making. How else will I calm those fears and doubts? How else would I find my footing enough to be secure?

So at that time my mantra would be “define normal” the pressure of conforming to some ideal by whoever was on projecting side was elusive to me way back in my formative years as a young impressionable person.

Flash forward through 25 years of numbing and progressively ‘normalizing’ into my drinking, I forgot that there was this considerable quotient to being a normal person and that definition blurred itself over the years. It pretty much didn’t exist until I stopped drinking and I heard the term ‘normie.’im-not-normal--source

Basically, the difference between an alcoholic and non-alcoholics is that we have a different set of triggers and allergies and behaviors that define us. This definition doesn’t change when we quit drinking either. For some of us, our behaviors may get worse as time goes on. Our coping methods get more obscure. They could take the form of anger or other addictive behaviors that manifest. For others in recovery, we might find a spiritual outlet to cope against our insecurities and fears. So, what does the ‘normie’ do? Well, they can handle their alcohol. That we know. They are so annoying. Annoying in the fact they can drink or annoying in the fact that I can’t at all? Yes, as an alcoholic – we can’t drink at all. We can’t take one. The concept of “one and done” takes on a whole other meaning for an alcoholic. The ‘normie’ isn’t immune to inner fears, trauma, insecurities, etc…they also have their demons and challenges. For some reason, they just are able to channel the direction of those feelings in other ways. They may also have the same “sobering” behaviors we do. They might be abusive. They might be negative and miserable. They might have other disorders we don’t see. The only thing we “alcoholics” usually see is, how come they don’t drink like I do?

So it comes down to this. I’d rather be my own definition of self. I don’t look at my behaviors or my outward appearance or my thinking as abnormal or normal. I don’t define it because in reality; the question I asked when I was younger – DEFINE NORMAL.

 

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‘God’ Is A Bridge

When you hear the word God, what does it feel like to you? How DO you feel? Do you feel like I do? Every time I say or hear the word God, it sticks in my upper chest like it doesn’t belong there. Shocked? Don’t be. It is just a word and it is just a feeling.

First, let’s go to definition time. As I may have warned in previous posts; I tend to lean on definitions because it helps me to focus on the subject. If I don’t fully comprehend my  subject or it’s origin I like to pull the old Merriam-Webster:

Simple Definition of god :

Michelangelo's_%22God%22,_from_%22the_Creation_of_Adam%22God: the perfect and all-powerful spirit or being that is worshipped especially by Christians, Jews, and Muslims as the one who created and rules the universe : a spirit or being that has great power, strength, knowledge, etc., and that can affect nature and the lives of people : one of various spirits or beings worshipped in some religions : a person and especially a man who is greatly loved or admired : Christian Science – the incorporeal divine Principle ruling over all as eternal Spirit, infinite Mind a

And then there are these Gods. GreekGodsMany Gods. Lots of them. The Greeks, they kind of made sense. They had a God for everything. If you put them altogether, they make up well; humanity right?

How about the word spirit? That feels good. Spirit feels nice to me. It feels more inclusive of how I want my belief systems to be and those surrounding me. If I know the person sitting next to me if bringing in faith and love in their presence, I feel the spirit of life around me and that is a whole and complete feeling.

So, how do We Agnostics and atheists and non-God believers handle the amount of the word GOD in AA? How can we relate when that word is the default for spirit and faith in our meetings? How does it bind us? How come we say the ‘Our Father’? (which I still don’t care for myself but each time I say it, I try to say it louder and with meaning)

One story that I heard recently at a meeting made the relationship between the difficulty of the GOD concept and how to view it a bit easier. In the “halls” of AA, I have heard people say things like “look at that lamp” Tiffany-Style-Jeweled-Roses-Table-Lamp-363a62e7-0b88-4134-b704-dfd0248d6970_600that can be your higher power. Ain’t that cute? It kind of is. After all, we are all just a bunch of whizzing, spinning molecules right?  Well, the particular speaker in the meeting was relaying a process by which someone proposed to a group of people to picture a bridge. That would be their own bridge as example. If you had a bridge what would it look like. The concept is pretty beautiful if you elaborate. Recall my letter to alcohol? I drew a bridge. On one side was life and the other death. If I continued to depend on the bridge of alcoholism in my life;7dc77c1315cdb3bae62577f00d4414a6 it would start to decay, become unusable and ultimately I would die from the disease of alcoholism. Let’s take a peak at a scary AF bridge. (might as well be a clown on the other end) There are a lot of unknowns in that picture.

Now lets take away the alcohol bridge of “dread.” Lets think of what a bridge would look like that I could have that is a bit more stable, beautiful and reliable. When I think of my higher power, it holds me up and allows me to safely cross. It gives me hope and strength because I can rely on this notion that if I let myself go across on the spiritual level; all will be OK. For those of us without a notion of a “guy” who is the almighty God, we can lean on the pure existence of a higher power (bridge) holding us up. In other words.

It is not easy to understand the spirit of a higher power. It takes reflection, patience and probably some meditation. I like to take deep breaths and remember to “let go.” So, what bmcdoes my bridge look like? Well, this is very telling. I cannot decide. I love two bridges so depending on my mood, one is simple and one looks all blinded out like Snoop and Cinderella should own it; but for now we will take the good old Madison County bridge.

 

 

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The Makings Of A Spiritual Vacation

Days sober 210.

Welcome back to me! I haven’t blogged in 16 days. That seems extreme to me. My goal was to write 1x per week and well, I had a vacation. A legitimate, February school vacation AWAY from the cold Northeast. I cannot exaggerate when I tell you readers, I absolutely despise old man Winter. He is a serious asshat. I tolerate Spring and stare at branches waiting the first bloom. We spend 6 months out of the year without what I consider good spirit in nature. I know there are people who love winter and the snuggly times in front of the blazing fire – all good. An exciting snow storm gets us all revved up. I digress. I needed to put some sun on my face.

Anticipation for this time away was pretty high. Was I going to survive the booze parade? Parade-of-Darks-at-the-Denver-Flea-photo-by-Lindsey-Bartlett-701The good news? The resort was NOT all-inclusive. You had to buy your choice of alcohol. If it were all-inclusive I would have seriously struggled. At only 7 months, a tipping point might have been met. Win for me, I can go somewhere and not worry about the thing that I once loved being totally AVAILABLE and gallivanting away in front of me. I took great comfort in this.

I also knew where the local island AA meeting was. I didn’t think I needed it as my other constant tools were with me but – extreme times call for easy measures. Go to meeting.

Once I was in the resort, all felt ok. I didn’t have any cravings until the 2nd day in. 11am, my son is off on an adventure and I am at the pool basking in the bright yellow bulb in the sky. Then I see them. The dripping, ice cold Margaritas being past around in front of me. I salivate. (Doing it right now) Slurrrrp. Then, I said it. ‘I can go to the bar and get something to drink and no-one will know.’ Uh oh. It was followed by ‘If I am in International waters, it is like Vegas rules. No-one needs to know.’ I then gave myself the rundown on why that one Margarita would NOT be Ok. I can see the story playing out. Here it goes.

  1. I lie to myself, my husband and those around me. I drink and hide it.
  2. After, I tell my husband I did it and survived. “Look at me, I am cured!”
  3. Then more sneaks.
  4. Then home.
  5. Then surrender to the wrong side. The BOOZE takes me back down to Chinatown.

So, then I thought about my mantras and prayers and could see the story; I felt fine. This whole episode from the first sight of that glimmering, shimmering tequila with salt lasted 5 minutes. Still winning.

Finally, amongst all the beauty in nature and the good vibes coming off the sun, the casino an
d I were going to be reunited. AND….reunited on National Wine Drinking Day. Seriously!  Disclaimer: I do not have a gambling problem; that is for sure but I can totally see how people can! Be careful Anyway, I went to play my favorite fun slots. The Wheel of Fortune!
It is the best slot machine because the big spin wheel gets hit and it goes around and around and around and lands on awheel-of-fortune-slots
number. Once it hits that number it is multiplied by the slot donation.

Long story short, I sat down with this nice man who was playing on the left of me. He said to me that he hasn’t hit the 2000 marker on the Wheel since he was in Vegas. It is really hard to do he tells me. With 11.00 in the machine and about 5 minutes in; I hit it. the 2000! Ding, ding, ding. I get up and roll on out. I took my winnings; all $592.00 worth and headed out. I decided that my angel was with me and took care of me. Totally winning!

The moral of the story is, if I were drinking, I would not be holding the palms and sun in my head as I likely would have been at the bar waiting for drinks. I would have had no winnings. I would have never come home – relaxed and simply OK and patient with that asshat old man winter.

New favorite word: Asshat.

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous – Day 1, What To Expect

toolboxAlcoholics Anonymous is NOT a religion. It is NOT a cult. It does NOT require a belief in GOD. Do people mention God the minute you sit in your first meeting? More likely it will happen. Stick with me…the next blog will cover “God.”

If you are just beginning to think about removing alcohol from your life and are struggling to begin, it is normal. This post is to keep things simple and straight for those just figuring out where they belong.

This post  focuses on Alcoholic Anonymous as a tool and why it works for an agnostic like me. I am an agnostic. I do not believe our earth, our bodies, our souls and universe was created by a single being or entity called God. I do not believe in many Gods either. So, when you go to your first AA meeting, don’t be turned off by the word God. It will become clear later on. For the first timer, just open your eyes and be open minded. Listen. Learn.

DAY 1 So, on that first meeting. It might be your Day 1 or week 1 of sobriety. There is a lot of fear and uncertainty on Day 1. There is still a lot of fear and uncertainty on Day 1. More fear and uncertainty on Day 1. There may or may not be many Day 1s. Again, this is also normal. Until one can understand the disease, spiritual affect and physical cravings, we might have strung along a lot of day 1s, picked up a bunch of 24 hour coins/chips. Maybe you can make a nice dress out of your 24-hour chips. If you could, that would be a lot of sobriety days added together and that is a great thing.

If you think you might be alcoholic but can’t be sure. That is SO normal. I am pretty that most alcoholics have asked themselves this oh about 100 times over.

You look at AA from afar and might even know someone in AA. Your thoughts might be something like this: Losers go to AA. I don’t like the God thing.  I can CONTROL this. I have the capability to hold down a job, never had a DUI (yet), always seem to turn out OK. I haven’t hit BOTTOM YET.

Or worse. Have you heard or lived these stories? I killed someone in a car accident but I drank anyway. I lost my children to DSS and yet, that didn’t stop me from continued addiction.

Everyone’s bottom comes to them at different lengths of disease, different actions lead us to our bottoms and our bottoms will eventually come up to us. They can come through self realization (sick and tired), enforced reaction (courts, family intervention, jail-time) or death, etc…

We alcoholics have a million stories. Different variations of and many common.

What to expect. The first meeting you should attend is an Open Speaker meeting. This meeting is open to everyone. You don’t introduce yourself. You walk in, sit down and listen. The format is simple and here is a sample:

  • Someone will come to the podium and introduce themselves
  • They will talk group stuff, introduce the incoming speaker group (another group visiting) and will open up the meeting
  • The AA preamble is read. Listen to this. It is good. It goes over the basic guidelines of AA meeting.
  • Then the speakers. They will come up, say there name and share their EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE. Three key things that everyone shares.
  • Meeting ends with a collection of money.
  • The Lord’s Prayer or Serenity Prayer is said. (this is that tricky God part)

What you hoped to have learned is that you share something similar to something one of the speakers said. That’s it. It is all you have to do.

What if someone talks to you? It is OK. They just want to help.

What if you hated the meeting? It is OK. That is likely your current state about everything. I would recommend going a few more times. At least to speaker meetings.

What you ultimately want to find out is this, do I  want something that 1 person has in those meetings? Do I want sobriety?

Then ask yourself, what other tools do I have that can compliment AA? If I don’t like AA, what else can I do? Read, movies, podcasts. Repeat?

OVERALL, don’t overanalyze it.

 

 

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Un-gluing It All Back Together

It has been 6 months since my last drink. That is half a cake. The layers of the paper mache mask that grew over time have been removed. Now I get to look inside of me and see who the real person is that was hiding and buried for so long.six-months

Looking back now and as every additional day, week and month advances my soul gets stronger. My mind is clearer. My body is so strong.  Does this mean I am free and clear? No. We will get to that at the end.

This is a recap of the past 6 months as it unfolded. It outlines what someone in their 1st month might experience and links to my sobriety journey might find helpful as a map or guide. To be clear – NOT ALL EXPERIENCES are the same but I have seen others experiencing significant and similar feelings and changes  along the way.

Days 0-30

  • This is when I worked with a coach. Without a coach, I would recommend getting to a 12-step meeting and/or find someone who you know and trust is sober and ask them where to start.
  • Not feeling up to a meeting or strong enough to reach out? Go online. www.stepchat.com is a great place to be anonymous and ask questions; Facebook friends? Private groups can help. Ask me about those.24.jpg
  • Read a book. Love rock-n-roll? See my list of recommended reads. Feel like a boozy housewife? There are books for you too. I read books. All the time.
  • Don’t like to read? Watch a movie. See my list of recommended movies. Not sure you are alcoholic? I recommend 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. I watched movies, all the time.
  • And my favorite, PODCASTs.

I was NOT sure I was an alcoholic. I realized that I was as soon as I got through a few of the above and did more research that what I suspected for a LONG time – was true. Once recognizing my alcoholic nature, I was able to do MORE research, MORE meetings and MORE well…of this. Opening up.

Without continuous work, recognizing gratitude, being gentle with my moods and myself – I would have relapsed very quickly. 

30The FIRST 30 DAYS WERE A FOG. I was a walking zombie of the apocalypse. My brain mass literally felt foggy. I shuddered all the time (PAWS) when I thought of a drink and just felt lost. I had NOTHING to prove either. The surrender of my condition had already begun.

 

Days 30-60

  • PAWS (Post-acute withdrawal symptoms) was still pretty obvious. I shudder a lot. I still do. When I think about alcohol in it’s physical form I get a deep shudder as if a ghost has gone through me. It is pretty powerful and reminds me of it’s hold.
  • Day 42-47 I write about denial seeping in and almost relapsing. You begin to forget why you started to begin with. You begin to feel better. It can be a dangerous time. Also this is around the time when I started to lose my patience. Irritability was settling in my new brain.2
  • Day 60, I felt horrible. PAWS was bad. Irritability, restlessness and discontent were rabid. I didn’t know which way to go. Meetings helped and also, self-care. Super critical time to appreciate your body and mind.
  • Still reading books and still watching documents and movies, listening to podcasts, created blog and found my core AA meetings. I got the tools NOW rid of the madness.

Days 60-90

  • Holidays. Lot’s of them. We had – Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas coming. I 60focused on eating. I forgave myself for eating more ice cream and muffin tops than I ever thought possible.
  • I kept a schedule.
  • I learned to reach out a little.
  • At the 90 day mark I felt so relieved. I NEVER thought I would make it to 90 days. This is a BIG milestone. It meant more than anything else to date in my sobriety.
  • I was blogging every week and reaching out online and of course, meetings. Podcasts.

Days 90 – 120

  • 4 monthI found a sponsor. Nobody says you have to find one the first day. You could get a temporary sponsor. Someone to at least talk to when you need the early help.
  • I spoke at my first commitment. I got up and spoke about my experience, strength and hope. It was OK. It was a rite of passage. The second time I spoke I was a wreck.
    Either way, sharing a story sometimes will help someone else. This is why it is done.
  • Day 120 – I being experiencing a little dry drunk symptoms. Must keep blogging.Must keep working at my recovery.

 

On to Six months – 

I am just really focused on the future and continued survival.

Do I ever worry about relapse? All the time.5

How much work do I have left? I have a LOT of work to continue to do. I plan a lifetime of support and giving in my sobriety as well as continued reaching out for my sanity. I am only on Step 4 in the Big Book and I am far from done blogging.

How does being with other people and around alcohol feel? Feels fine. I can pretty much ignore it. There are days when I will sniff it, drool over it and I catch myself building reservations about it. Like “when I go down, I go down with a bottle of Patron” – drooling right now.

If you are still reading this. Keep going. Keep coming.

 

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Wine(d) Me Up

Even before I stopped drinking I didn’t heed much to the abundance of online memes, shares and cartoons appreciating the need for alcohol in society. This also includes the ‘other ones as well.’ These are the coffee fix, hot body jokes, not-hot body jokes, kitties that are really cute, making sure we say AMEN when Jesus is going to give us something miraculous if he gets lots of Facebook shares, selfies, spiritual reminders and everything else we glance through on our social feeds. Usually a day doesn’t go by when I don’t see something of the following:

Now, this isn’t so bad. I can usually just blow by, chuckle and chuckle some more at other things unrelated. However, something has started to brew inside of me that I cannot let go of. Let me preface what I am going to discuss with the following: when it comes to being sensitive I will say two words, ‘crying puppies.’ What doesn’t make me particularly sensitive is the actual proliferation of alcohol in our society because a) I am desensitized to it first off and b) no one if forcing anyone to drink the alcohol and c) it ain’t going away in my lifetime. Remember ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I CANNOT control…12573821_10208416211107475_7583946633679370571_n

Then I saw this.

Let’s review – line by line.

“Jill like to drink wine most nights” Okay, so if Jill has only one glass of wine a night, she’d be totally fine. If she had 2 glasses a night, 7 days a week then she is about 6 glasses higher than the medical recommendations but maybe not too bad. Her sugar calories would also be WAY high. That’s something that I care about.

“Is Jill an alcoholic? No! ” Okay, Jill probably isn’t an alcoholic after all Jill is a fucking stick figure with angel wings. Remember how I feel about angels? Not cool Jill cartoonist, Jill is not an angel. I can tell.  BUT, if we assume Jill isn’t an alcoholic then she can go right ahead and drink her delicious wine. BUT, what if someone reading this cartoon and thinks to self, ‘That is funny. I identify with Jill. Wine is totally fine to drink. Nevermind that I like to drink 2 bottles of wine a night but it’s wine.’ “Jill just likes wine”

It is grapes. GRAPIES!! Grapies are so healthy. (Yes, I am typing the word grape-eeez)

“Jill is real woman” This is where my darkness takes a turn. Jill is a bitch for thinking she is a real woman for drinking wine every night.  A real woman is someone who doesn’t have a bottle to hide behind every ache and pain, mommy duties, wifey duties, work, play, being perfect. Also, and this made me laugh when I shared this online with the beautiful women of the online support group, BFB – Jill is not cavewoman. “Jill is real woman” – who talks like that? Is that English?

“Be Like Jill” and the crux of my real ire.

Hear this out. I accepted ‘Mommy’s Time Out’ and ‘Mommy Juice’ and the afternoon teases of the neighborhood ladies having their wine time. Good for them. They can do it. They can have their daily fix, head home and cook dinner, ready themselves for the next day, finish the laundry, read some book club books and tuck their little angels into bed.

Me? Nope. What usually happened looked a lot like this.

  1. Watch the clock at work to hit a reasonable time to leave. Usually 4:30pm. [this is the countdown we alcoholics all know and love]
  2. Figure out game plan that had been rattling around my head all day. Will I stop for wine and food or go to dinner, drink and then get more wine.
  3. Debate with brain for another 30 minutes getting to pick up my son.
  4. Hit a local restaurant and as fast as possibly can without looking like a lush, get wine into body. Lips quivering, slurp. (okay I didn’t slurp but its funny; I might have slurped once or twice)
  5. Drink another one, finish dinner.
  6. Head to liquor store for wine. If not, smuggle beers into house and drink in hiding.
  7. What is missing from this picture?
  8. No ladies (isolate), no finishing book club books (drinking) and definitely no tucking of child (drunk). The child would pass out with me dammit and that is the way it worked.

Why do I get unnerved by this particular illustration? Well, it comes down to that last line. “Be like Jill.” I can’t be like Jill. Jill is not an alcoholic. Jill can have her wine and be normal. She can like her wine. Jill is NOT an alcoholic. It is kind of also in your face a bit. That word. Alcoholic. As if being an alcoholic were a bad thing. You see, we call ourselves recovering alcoholics for a reason. We always have that voice in our heads, if we could be like Jill. We will never be like her because we have no power over our disease. 

I also don’t want to be like Jill anymore. I am present in my life. I can see whole pictures and sense real and tangible feelings. I don’t have to hide or fear anymore within a bottle. I also don’t have to put up a stereotypical charade that if I drink wine I am a real woman drinking wine. The wine culture hides a lot of  a lot of our habits fairly discretely. There is this gentler way about wine that it is more sophisticated and if you learn its secrets you can drink in safety. If you pair it with the right food or dessert then it isn’t as nefarious as maybe bombing fireball shots. But it is. I use to say, I only drink wine. Hell, that was a joke.

Anyway, in conclusion and most importantly – why isn’t Jill an alcoholic? Because she has NO LIPS!  Where are her damn lips? She can’t drink anyway!

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