Days sober 210.
Welcome back to me! I haven’t blogged in 16 days. That seems extreme to me. My goal was to write 1x per week and well, I had a vacation. A legitimate, February school vacation AWAY from the cold Northeast. I cannot exaggerate when I tell you readers, I absolutely despise old man Winter. He is a serious asshat. I tolerate Spring and stare at branches waiting the first bloom. We spend 6 months out of the year without what I consider good spirit in nature. I know there are people who love winter and the snuggly times in front of the blazing fire – all good. An exciting snow storm gets us all revved up. I digress. I needed to put some sun on my face.
Anticipation for this time away was pretty high. Was I going to survive the booze parade? The good news? The resort was NOT all-inclusive. You had to buy your choice of alcohol. If it were all-inclusive I would have seriously struggled. At only 7 months, a tipping point might have been met. Win for me, I can go somewhere and not worry about the thing that I once loved being totally AVAILABLE and gallivanting away in front of me. I took great comfort in this.
I also knew where the local island AA meeting was. I didn’t think I needed it as my other constant tools were with me but – extreme times call for easy measures. Go to meeting.
Once I was in the resort, all felt ok. I didn’t have any cravings until the 2nd day in. 11am, my son is off on an adventure and I am at the pool basking in the bright yellow bulb in the sky. Then I see them. The dripping, ice cold Margaritas being past around in front of me. I salivate. (Doing it right now) Slurrrrp. Then, I said it. ‘I can go to the bar and get something to drink and no-one will know.’ Uh oh. It was followed by ‘If I am in International waters, it is like Vegas rules. No-one needs to know.’ I then gave myself the rundown on why that one Margarita would NOT be Ok. I can see the story playing out. Here it goes.
- I lie to myself, my husband and those around me. I drink and hide it.
- After, I tell my husband I did it and survived. “Look at me, I am cured!”
- Then more sneaks.
- Then home.
- Then surrender to the wrong side. The BOOZE takes me back down to Chinatown.
So, then I thought about my mantras and prayers and could see the story; I felt fine. This whole episode from the first sight of that glimmering, shimmering tequila with salt lasted 5 minutes. Still winning.
Finally, amongst all the beauty in nature and the good vibes coming off the sun, the casino an
d I were going to be reunited. AND….reunited on National Wine Drinking Day. Seriously! Disclaimer: I do not have a gambling problem; that is for sure but I can totally see how people can! Be careful Anyway, I went to play my favorite fun slots. The Wheel of Fortune!
It is the best slot machine because the big spin wheel gets hit and it goes around and around and around and lands on a
number. Once it hits that number it is multiplied by the slot donation.
Long story short, I sat down with this nice man who was playing on the left of me. He said to me that he hasn’t hit the 2000 marker on the Wheel since he was in Vegas. It is really hard to do he tells me. With 11.00 in the machine and about 5 minutes in; I hit it. the 2000! Ding, ding, ding. I get up and roll on out. I took my winnings; all $592.00 worth and headed out. I decided that my angel was with me and took care of me. Totally winning!
The moral of the story is, if I were drinking, I would not be holding the palms and sun in my head as I likely would have been at the bar waiting for drinks. I would have had no winnings. I would have never come home – relaxed and simply OK and patient with that asshat old man winter.
New favorite word: Asshat.