It feels like today is not just another day. I feel really odd inside and out. I made it to the 90 day of sobriety. I should feel elated and parts of me do. Then I feel sad. I feel lonely.
I received my 90 day coin today. I had only few people to share it with and felt proud. However, I am feeling very exposed. One would even say vulnerable. I do not know why today of all days I would start to feel my vulnerability.
I really, really ran to this goal. In the first 90 days of my sobriety, I have read books, watched many movies, created this blog, went to 4 meetings a week and listened to countless podcasts- but I have yet to:
- find a sponsor
- talk to anyone longer then hello and how are you
- do a job
- go on a commitment
- and countless other things I want to do with my sober “power”
What are the next steps other than all of the above? Why do I feel like there is more? I was told by the woman who coached me onto my path that I should write a letter to the person I will be in 1 year.
This is how it might look:
Damn girl. You are one special person to yourself, your husband and your son. You have accomplished so many great things as a sober person. 1 year and 90 days is nothing to be shy about. You faced every holiday, every wedding, every neighborhood after party without having a drink. You dealt with work and family stress without picking up. You past your 6 month mark without thinking to yourself ‘okay experiment is over – time to get it on.” You look great and feel great. You are the woman you were meant to become and to live as.
Not only have you achieved what you set out to do and made others proud. You also have helped others. You are an example of what can be and people do want something that you have which is experience, strength and hope. Keep on going! You have got this.