30 days in I was feeling pretty lousy but was gently cocooned in a pink cloud. I was definitely feeling on top of the world. I can do this! I got this! Read back to day 46/47 and I was starting to feel real. Real is hard. This week was misery. Let me explain. It started off with some tension headaches over a week or so ago, they move into my upper back, neck and created a ginormous knot. I was whiny. I was also desperate. If I were drinking I would feel better instantly with a drink. I could happily relax all those tensions away. The hangover would even be a happy respite from the pain I was in. So, someone wise (my coach) said – YOU NEED SELF CARE. WTF? Really? I forgot about that. So, I found myself on Day 60 heading to the masseuse we have at work. (Don’t judge, its a healthy bonus we have to pay for) It was amaaaaaazing. But, what happened to me? Why is everything so fucking painful? I can feel everything. Every pin prick, every knot, every cramp. PMS was torture this month for absolutely no reason. I usually glide through it. HELLO! Earth to alcoholic. You numbed everything out. Again, a hangover would actually be welcoming to this type of real.
Day 60. I got my chip. I made it. 2 whole months. Pain and all. Let’s talk about the pressure I had this week on top of the pain. People pressure. I started to feel super insecure. Why wasn’t I invited out with the ladies? Am I getting shut out? Holy shit, I am not cool because I don’t drink. STOP! STOP! WARNING. This is the one of the reason I am thinking a majority of us begin to drink. Social acceptance, anxiety. I was NEVER smooth when I drank so why would I think I would be now as an adult? Even though my insecurities were at the highest they have ever been, even to the point where I felt actual fears like isolation, being the “weirdo”, the outcast; I made it. I am fine today because as I learn, people do understand. Those who judge can go fuck themselves. Those who don’t, come here and get a hug.